Gothel's Regret
by Elsadisney
Summary: Mother Gothel never wanted to leave Cassandra, but she can't change what happened. If only she could find her again, everything would be alright.


Her plan was simple. She would go to the castle, take a piece of hair from the baby, and go back to her little cottage and her daughter. Then she could keep on living forever with Cassandra, and she wouldn't have to worry about dying and leaving the little girl motherless.

But plans sometimes change.

She hadn't wanted Cassandra at the beginning. What would she want with a baby? But as time went on, she began to care for her daughter. The little girl was always very good, and she really loved her mother. No one had loved Gothel for a very long time, not truly.

And then they stole her flower.

Cassandra was only three years old then, and without the flower, she would soon be an orphan. Already in the first week without the flower, Gothel had aged ten years. She felt herself getting weaker, grey hairs beginning to show on her head. A month later, she felt ninety years old. Her face was wrinkled, and not one black hair was left on her head. Cassandra had noticed and asked what was wrong.

She couldn't tell her the truth, that without the flower she would wither away. Cassandra didn't even know about the flower.

But she could at least make sure that Cassandra wouldn't miss her when she was gone.

She had a year, at most. She stopped hugging her daughter, and usually not a kind word was said her way. Though she wished she could do the chores she used to do, she just wasn't strong enough anymore, so they were passed to her daughter. Cassandra didn't understand why this was happening, she couldn't.

But Gothel hadn't thought Cassandra would keep on loving her after all that. Try as she might, her daughter's love wasn't going away.

Months had passed, and then a princess was born. When Gothel heard that the baby had long, golden hair, she suddenly had hope. If she could just get one lock of that hair, she wouldn't have to worry about dying, leaving her daughter motherless.

She would just go to the castle quickly and get the hair. She would only be a day at most, she hoped. Cassandra wanted to go along, but that wasn't an option. If she was caught… She told Cassandra that she needed to stay home, to clean the house.

As she had thought, the baby's hair had the same power as her flower. She felt wonderful as the youth that had escaped her for so many months flowed back into her. She took the scissors and cut a piece.

As soon as the hair turned brown and she lost her youth, she knew her original plan would be impossible. The hair could not be separated from its owner.

A split-second decision was made. The baby had awoken. A second more, it would start crying. She grabbed the baby and ran for it.

She would take the baby home, raise it as her own. Cassandra would be delighted to have a sister. The guards were after her now. She prodded her horse, trying to make it go faster.

Soon she was by her house. Only the bridge separated her from it. But no, this was not right. The guards were too close. She hid behind a rock as they came close. "She went this way!" they cried and went across the bridge.

They slammed the door of the house open. "Where's the princess?" she heard then shouting. She could see Cassandra through the window. The girl was scared. Gothel stepped out of the shadows to see her better. What could she do? She couldn't go to her, the guards would catch her for sure.

And then the child said, "Mama?"

The guards saw her. She looked at her daughter. If only she could go to her, to tell her everything would be okay. But they would catch her.

Cutting the bridge so the guards wouldn't be able to follow, Gothel rode away quickly. There was a tower she had seen in the woods, hidden where no one would ever find it. She went to the tower, hiding herself and the baby in it.

She was young again the next day, thanks to the magic hair of the baby. After she had cradled the baby to sleep, she set out to her house where she had lived with her daughter. No one would recognize her as the old woman who had stolen the princess. She went as fast as she could, desperately hoping her daughter was still there. She would bring the girl to the tower, and they would live there.

But when Gothel had crossed the water to get to her house, soaking herself in the process, there was no trace of Cassandra in the house. She called her name, hoping the girl was hiding somewhere. She looked everywhere, but her daughter was not there.

The guards must have taken her. Where, she did not know. Cassandra had been innocent, and she hoped they would not be so cruel as to lock her up for her mother's fault. Dejected, she trudged back to the tower.

She had, though not willingly, traded her own daughter for a baby that was not her own. Though the baby gave her life, what use was her life if she didn't have her daughter with her?

But she hadn't given up. Cassandra must be alive somehow, somewhere. She would find her someday.

For the first few years of Rapunzel's life, as that was what she had named the baby, she rarely was able to leave the tower. A baby demanded a lot of attention. Sometimes she hated Rapunzel for not being hers, hated her for being the reason she did not have her own child with her. But she knew it was really her own fault. If only she had been faster, if only she hadn't led the guards straight to her house!

And though she never loved Rapunzel as she had Cassandra, she stopped hating her as she grew older. She was only a child, and she did love the woman she called Mother. Gothel was never cruel to Rapunzel, though she did not really love her. Sometimes she was even kind to Rapunzel, and she had to admit the little girl was kind of cute.

As the girl grew older, she did not need attention every single moment, and Gothel was able to leave the tower for longer periods of time. These she spent searching for Cassandra. She vowed that for as long as she lived, she would look for her daughter, and hopefully find her. In the meantime, she would keep herself young and alive.

Rapunzel grew into a young woman, and she was too curious, for Gothel had forbidden her to go outside for obvious reasons. Gothel cursed herself for telling Rapunzel her real birthday. At the time, she hadn't thought of the reasons why she shouldn't. It had seemed only natural that she should have a birthday. But later Gothel found out about those lights the king and queen sent out every year on Rapunzel's birthday. Of course the child had seen them too, and believed they were meant for her. She couldn't change her birthday now. Rapunzel would be suspicious if she didn't see those lights on her birthday.

Gothel wished she could do something like that for her lost child, so that Cassandra would know she was looking for her. But that would more than likely attract unwanted attention, so Gothel was only able to do what she had been doing to search for her child.

She sometimes felt remorse for what she had done. She knew only too well what it felt like to have a lost child. But she could never return Rapunzel. If she did, she would die.

And then Rapunzel was eighteen, and she disobeyed Gothel and left the tower with a thief. Gothel succeeded in getting her back after a few days, but then somehow the girl figured out who she really was.

She was going to take her away, erase her memory, but Rapunzel just wouldn't stop fighting and the thief came back. He cut off her hair, all her hair, and Gothel was dying.

As she screamed and covered her face, as she was aging much more quickly than the first time her flower had been taken from her, she knew her time was up. She had never found Cassandra. She would die, and everyone would think she was a terrible, heartless person who had stolen the princess. The news would probably even reach her daughter, if she was even still alive, and her own daughter would hate her.

That lizard she had only just found out Rapunzel had pulled the dead hair tight, and since she was covering her face, hoping Rapunzel wouldn't see her like this, she didn't see and tripped over the hair. She fell backwards out the window, screaming as she fell. She was dead before she hit the ground, the only pain she was ever spared.


End file.
